Robert Frost
No One Should Go Untouched
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound upon mine, then let us work together. - Lila Watson
Our fingerprints don’t fade from the lives we touch. - REMEMBER ME
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. - Mother Teresa
We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. - Romans 12:5, NLT
Let us always meet each other with a smile, for a smile is the beginning of love. - Mother Teresa
People tend to understand things differently; quotes, in particular. What speaks to me may not speak to another in the same way, the way I intended. What I read between the lines, another might miss, and vice versa. Because of this, I have six quotes: each one relating to one another, each one complementing what another has to say. Some are more complex, metaphorical, and others are very simple, indeed, and, “to smile,” is the only message. My point? Well, I hope one of these quotes speaks to you.
The question is always posed when the images of September 11, 2001, come up on a TV screen, “Where were you?” For me, I was a nine-year-old, 4th grader at Hermosa Elementary School, and I was at home. I remember strolling into my parents’ room like I did every morning, the sun was shining significantly brighter, it seemed, through their windows as my dad stood silently in front of the TV, my mom sitting on the couch. This was unusual. Why weren’t they getting ready for work?
I took a few more steps and stood next to my dad. Looking at the TV, I saw those images. A plane crashing into a building, flames and smoke erupting. To put it simply: I was confused. Were they watching a movie at seven in the morning on a Tuesday? So, of course, I asked what was going on. I doubt that their answers really cleared anything up for me as I wondered, “What is the World Trade Center?” “What’s the Pentagon?” “What is a terrorist?” “Why would a plane crash into a building on purpose? That’s dumb.”
To a nine-year-old who didn’t know anyone in New York, these words meant nothing, these words were just confusing.
And to be quite honest, it has taken me 10 years to even begin to understand the magnitude of what happened that day. A curious, Google-er by nature, it was not until this year, this very moment, in fact, that I ever looked up the details of that day. And I don’t really know why it has taken me so long.
As of 2005, 2,749 death certificates were filed in deaths related to the World Trade Center attacks. This website that provided me with this number has many related facts:
Of the 2,749 deaths, 2,117 were male, 632 female.
The median age was 39 for males, 38 for females.
People from 83 different countries died in the attacks.
1,588 were forensically identified from recovered physical remains.
The youngest passenger on the hijacked jets was Christine Hanson. She was 2 and on her first trip to Disneyland.
The fires on Ground Zero burned for 99 days, until December 19th.
Now, facts are fine. But when facts like these are presented, I believe that it is imperative to dig deeper and develop a greater understanding of what all of those numbers really mean.
This is what they mean to me:
2,117 males died in those attacks, meaning over 2,000 mothers lost their little boys, and 2,000 fathers will never again talk football or basketball or baseball with their precious sons. 632 females means over 600 fathers will never again get to look at their baby girl and wonder when it was that she became all grown up, and over 600 mothers will never again get to play with their little girl’s hair or talk about the man in her life or figure out how in the world she was going to be a mom.
The median age was 39 and 38. On this day, my dad was 39 and my mom was 40. So, I’m going to guess that thousands of children who were my age lost a parent that day. Meaning there is a 19-year-old somewhere in New York mourning the loss of their parent while I complain about the reading I have to do for class. That doesn’t really seem fair.
1,588 people were forensically identified. I know absolutely nothing about forensics, so I am only hoping that this doesn’t mean that 1,161 people went unidentified. I hope that I’m simply missing something that only a forensic identifier, or someone with more knowledge, would understand.
The youngest passenger was two years old. The loss of an innocent child. I don’t think there are ever any words.
The fires on Ground Zero burned for 99 days. The only way I could put this in perspective for myself was to imagine a building that I saw regularly being attacked and then burning for nearly 100 days after. A building at St. Lucy’s? Or maybe one here at LMU? Or maybe even the house that I live in, the one that I have grown up in? It’s unimaginable.
So, what’s the point? Millions of people have analyzed these events in a similar fashion, I am sure. So what is the point in me writing all of this? Well, the point, for me, is this: people from 83 different countries died in those attacks. 83 different countries were affected in some way by this, none more so than our very own. The point is that no one should go untouched. Because it is not simply the “countries” that were affected, it’s the people within those countries. It’s the people who laugh, and mourn, and cry, and smile in the exact same way that I do. It’s the people who were affected.
No one should be able to read that a two year old died in one of those planes and be able to look at those events in the same way. No one should feel excluded, like this “stuff” doesn’t apply to them because they didn’t know anyone who died that day.
Because, as corny as it may sound, we are all connected. Whether you know anyone who was directly affected by those attacks or not, you are connected to them. One day you may be the waiter who brings a glass of water to a mother who lost her son that day. Or you may be a teacher to a little boy who lost his best friend, his big sister, in that building. Or you may be asked out on a date by a boy who lost his mom in one of those planes.
So what does that mean? What can we do NOW? I can only speak for myself; but I know that this September 11th is going to be different. This time around, I am going to sit down and lift all those affected up in prayer. I am going to take the time to read about the lives that have been lost, and the loved ones left behind. This time around will be different, because it’s been 10 years, and it should be different. I should be different.
We don’t know where God’s plan is going to take us; who we will smile at; whose paths will cross our own. We don’t know. But the simple reality is, one day, for at least one of us, our paths will cross with someone. And we will be affected by those events whether we expected it or not.
Because we are all connected. And no one should go untouched.
My College Handbook
Everyone says that college is the time of your life.
The BEST time ever!
I mean, everything preceding it, well, you’re just a kid. And everything after, you’re an adult with responsibilities, and accountabilities, and many other “-ilities,” I’m sure. So, I understand why people say college is the best time of your life. And while I don’t necessarily agree, hoping that even after college, my life will be something greater than I can even imagine, I do believe that I will have some of the best times of my life over the course of the next three years.
After a year of college, though, I can’t help but wish that I had had people to talk to about how this “college” thing was gonna go (before I started) - the good, the bad, and the ugly. So, this blog is dedicated to all my friends after me who are heading into this transition period. This beautiful, God-given experience called “college.”
I consider myself an extremely open-minded person. So heading into college, that’s what I had: an open mind. Because I feel an open mind is the only way to fully experience anything in life. Unfortunately, though, I found that college was not going to be everything I expected, not just yet anyways. So, here is my advice:
“Everybody has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.” - Shauna Niequist
Remember Where You Came From: My first semester of college, I literally talked to my parents maybe every two weeks. No exaggeration. Every two weeks I would obligatorily drag my cell phone out of my pocket. Sit somewhere. Call them up. And rush through a conversation that simply did not matter to me. After losing my grandmother at the beginning of my second semester, though, I had a wake up call. My family is #1. They are the most precious gift that I have here on earth. And I was not appreciating them anywhere near what they deserved. I hope it doesn’t take any of you a wake up call like death to realize how important your family is; whether your family is your parents and little sister, your grandmother who has raised you since day one, or a teacher who changed your life. These people will be there for you forever. Realize it now. Appreciate them now. Love them now.
“Fall in love. Stay in love. And it will decide everything.” - Fr. Pedro Arrupe
Be Passionate: I think of “passion” as a weapon. It’s my weapon against despair, depression, anger, confusion. Passion for the things that I love drags me out of those dark places that I so often can fall into. So I encourage you all to find something you love; and do it. Whether it’s service, or dance, or singing, or sports. Just find it. And be passionate about whatever it turns out to be.
Cry (Even If You Don’t Want To): I cried more last year than any other year in my life. I literally felt like I was fighting the battle of my life, and I was only 18. Sometimes, life throws things at you that you feel like you just can’t handle. And believe it or not, boys, too, it’s okay to cry about. It’s okay to feel sad, and hurt, and defeated - but only for a moment. Cry. But don’t drown in your tears. Cry. But when it’s all said and done, fight your way back. Because crying can only heal you so much.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” - Oscar Wilde
Take Some “You” Time: I’ve come to believe that there is nothing more important in college than taking some time for yourself. In a typical day, I woke up a few feet from my wonderful roommate, walked to class with friends, sat in class with more friends, ate lunch with someone, perhaps, went to club meetings, had basketball practice, and the list of interaction with others goes on and on. In college, there is no time allotted to be by yourself. There is no break in the day where everyone goes to their quiet little space and meditates on their life. No. If you want time to yourself, you have to take it. And I promise you, if there is one thing I could pass on to incoming freshmen, it would be this. Take some “you” time. I promise you won’t regret it.
“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Work Out: With the list that I have put together, “working out,” may seem like a trivial task. But it’s not. The Freshman 15 is no joke. And while many don’t think of gaining weight as something as difficult to deal with as, say, depression, as someone who has struggled with my weight for over a year now, I can attest to the fact that this is a battle you want to avoid. So, I implore you: take care of your body. Find a group of people who you can eat relatively healthy with, a group you can run with or go lift weights with, a group with people who will hold each other up. Because, like many have said before me, you only get one body. So make sure it’s something you want to see when you wake up in the morning.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” - Mohandas Gandhi
Live For Others: If LMU has taught me one thing, it is the importance of living to serve other people. There really are no words that can better explain the vitality of service than those of Gandhi. I truly have found that in serving others, just in the short time I have been in Gryphon Circle, my life has begun to change tremendously. There is no greater feeling in the world than knowing that you made someone’s day even just a little bit brighter.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help: Sometimes, your cross may be a bit heavy. Sometimes, you may need to ask for help. And there is absolutely, positively, nothing wrong with that. I am stubborn. I don’t like asking for help. I don’t like feeling as if I am burdening others. But, without people in my life who forced me to ask for help, who made sure that they had my back through every struggle last year, I would not have made it through my freshman year of college. It’s that simple. People need people. That’s just the way the world works. So don’t be afraid to ask your people to give you a hand once in a while. And, for those who know me, and even those who don’t, I suppose, I can be your people if you ever need me. I got your back.
“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” - Bernice Johnson Reagan
Challenge Yourself: Never, ever, ever, in college, or in life, get complacent. It’s a very slow way to live and, essentially, a slow way to die. Challenge yourself. Set goals; even if you THINK they are out of your reach. Believe. Reach. Dream.
Find THAT Group: It took me a semester and a half to find “THAT group.” THAT group, is that group (I know, redundant), of people who make college feel like home for you. Those people who make you realize why you set foot on this campus. That group, for me, was my service organization, Gryphon Circle. That group, probably without even knowing it, saved me at a time when I was drowning, struggling so hard I didn’t know what I was going to do. So do it. Find that group. Find those people. Or maybe, maybe you should just let that group find you. It seemed to work well for me, anyways.
“Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.” - D. Elton Trueblood
Keep The Faith: Making God a part of my life has never been easy. Prayer is always a struggle. And, as of late, going to Mass has been a struggle as well. But I keep trying, because God, for me, will always be the One; the most important relationship I will ever have in the world. And when things just “are,” not necessarily when things are going good or bad, but when they just “are,” talk to God. Say “thank you,” “hello,” “I love you.” Just talk to God. Because when all else fails you, God will ALWAYS come through.
This is My College Handbook - the things I wish I had been told. Then again, I am beyond thankful that God gave me the clarity to understand each one of these points. I am sure there are things that I missed. But, in my mind, these things were the most important. And I hope that anyone reading it can, and will, take something from it.
To all college freshmen, but especially the beautiful women heading out from St. Lucy’s Priory, I wish you peace and blessings; and a freshmen year filled with faithfulness, friendship, growth, and love; but most importantly, memories to last you a lifetime.
A Humble “Thank You” From a New Soccer Fan
I’ve never been a big soccer fan.
Never. In fact, my interest in the game was so minimal that, not only did I often forget that I played the sport for five years, but also that it was, in fact, the very first sport I played. Ever.
Before I ever dribbled a basketball, ever stepped foot on a hardwood floor, I took my passion to the grass, dawning the cleats and shin guards that made me feel like a superhero.
But still, as I got deeper into basketball, whatever respect, interest, or love I had for soccer quickly faded. I was a basketball player. No doubt.
To be blunt, I always found soccer boring. Having to wait an hour for someone to score just wasn’t my cup of tea.
And then came that fateful day when all of those feelings towards the game of soccer changed. I woke up sometime after 9 on that Sunday morning. I strolled into the family room where my parents were watching the Women’s World Cup - United States v. Brazil. I sat down on the couch, next to my dad, waiting for the game to be over so that I could watch something more exciting.
And then something incredible happened. And while Abby Wambach’s header into the net was amazing in its own right (and I realize that is the understatement of the year), that isn’t the “something” that I’m talking about. That “something” is what happened after her header, after the replays of Megan Rapinoe’s amazing pass, after watching Hope Solo jumping up and down as victory was now well within their reach.
After all of that, my heart began to pound, my chest tightened up.
And I guess, if anyone is going to understand the significance of this heart-pounding, chest-tightening, moment, I should give you some background on myself, some insight into my brain.
Most people know that I’ve grown up on the basketball court. I started playing basketball when I was 6 years old, and I really haven’t stopped since. I have always considered myself an athlete, the girl with the letterman jacket, the one who, if she had nothing else to fall back on, at least she could shoot a basketball better than a lot of other people.
And I had this confidence until the beginning of my senior year of high school. As my senior year began, my love for basketball began to fade. I was burnt out, worn out, and maybe even a bit complacent after being named MVP of my team, First Team All Sierra League, blah blah.
To this day, that complacency is probably my biggest regret. That complacency led to my back injury, led to my weight gain, led to me losing the game that was once the most important thing in my world. And two years later, I wake up every day feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. My struggles with my weight have dominated literally every minute of every day - literally “weighing” me down. It’s been my greatest struggle in a year of greatest struggles. This struggle has made me question my worth, my beauty, and even whether or not I am still an athlete. The answer for the past year has been an absolute “no.”
And this brings me back to that incredible moment - when my heart began to pound and my chest began to tighten up. As I watched Abby Wambach shout with joy, her teammates by her side, in a split second to celebrate, I understood why people loved this sport. And in that moment, I fell in love with it too.
And that’s why I continued to watch that game, feeling exhilarated when they pulled out the W. And that’s why I sat on the couch for hours after, watching the same highlights over and over again on ESPN. And that’s why I woke up at 8 am a few days later to watch those incredible women play France. And again when they played Japan.
Now, I find it funny that I couldn’t see the beauty of the game. That I couldn’t see what it was that made soccer, especially women’s soccer (might I add), so damn exciting. Different from any other sports I’ve ever followed, games I’ve ever watched, players I’ve ever obsessed over, I felt like those women were real people; people I could truly look up to - not just as athletes, but as human beings, as friends, mothers, sisters, daughters. They are women with struggles just like me. And this game is their outlet, their passion, and at this moment, their life’s calling.
And in a single moment while watching that game against Brazil, I fell in love with their story. I fell in love with the fact that nothing came easy to them. They worked for every goal, every win, every celebration. And I related to that; because my weight struggle has not been easy - and I know it’s not going to be. I realize now, though, that it’s something worth fighting for. It’s time for me to be an athlete again.
And, to put it simply, I was inspired by these women. I was inspired by their smiles, their humility, and their class - even after a heartbreaking loss. I was inspired by their passion, their love, their fighting spirit.
To be inspired by a complete stranger is a peculiar thing; because while it’s perhaps the one time you most want to say “thank you” to someone, it’s the one time you can’t.
But I say thank you, anyways, because I am grateful beyond words. And quite frankly, I’m a fan; a soccer convert, all thanks to these incredible women.
So thank you, Team USA, for not only reminding me that I have a life worth fighting for, but that I have a life worth celebrating.
And a special thanks to Abby Wambach - because she’s inspired me more than any athlete ever has; and I think her header might have just changed my life.
Here’s to…
Here’s to all those girls who used to be his number one.
The ones who waited all night for him to text only to check your cell phone the next morning and be disappointed.
The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened.
Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, then listened to him say that he loves and misses you and the next when he doesn’t want to be anything at all.
Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.
We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, and even snuck around to see him even for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again.
We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming.
This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder “what if”.
This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.
This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “You’re just not the one for me.” or maybe, “things were going too fast, I’m just not ready.” Then later on find out he has a damn girlfriend already.
Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.
The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.”
The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.
We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us when ever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.
Here’s for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave one thought about them.
Here’s for the time that he took to waste, breaking your heart … again.
This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.
Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.
This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.
Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt all over again.
Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When your song comes on the radio, turn the station off.
When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door.
Think of all the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was.
Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to.
One day, you’ll find a guy who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will.
It’s gonna hurt like hell, and it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.
I didn’t write this. I’ve seen it on blogs, Facebook notes, etc.
I didn’t write this. But I feel this. I understand this. I relate to this. And it’s this, and words like it, that I feel will allow my heart to heal, even when I feel like it never will.
I hope my fellow broken-hearted sisters out there will feel the same when they read this.
“The Boys” :)
ca. Summer 2010
“Today is your big moment. Moments, really. The life you’ve been waiting for is happening all around you. The scene unfolding right outside your window is worth more than the most beautiful painting, and the crackers and peanut butter that you’re having for lunch on the coffee table are as profound, in their own way, as the Last Supper. This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull off the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted.” - Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist
via truedoughphotography
“Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.”
- Fr. Pedro Arrupe
via thegallivantinggryphon
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